Patience: Surmounting Real Nightmares
Patience* could hear their sinister voices cackling as their mysterious shadows cast onto the thin cloth that obscured the window near her cot. She could even smell the pungent perspiration seeping from their bodies into their uniforms. Her frightened eyes were wide as she lay motionless. Patience wondered if she should find a hiding place. The sound of metal on metal confirmed the soldiers were loading their rifles with fresh clips of ammunition. The door burst open. The men rushed toward her and began bludgeoning her with their weapons.
Suddenly, she woke up. Patience realized it was same vivid nightmare that kept haunting her night after night. That was the past. She shouldn’t be frightened now, but she was.
Patience had come to Minnesota in 2002 at the age of six from a war torn African nation with her stepfather, Samuel. Her mother had immigrated to France with her two brothers and a sister. The circumstances of their separation remain unclear. Life with Samuel was torture. He was an angry man whose temper flared frequently and violently. Patience was typically the victim of his rage and was punished by recurrent beatings. On one occasion, Samuel held a knife to her throat. By the age of seven, Patience had been in and out of a local children’s shelter a total of eight times due to his abuse.
Finally, she was removed from Samuel’s home and spent the next few years living in a series of foster homes. But, Patience’s rage-filled outbursts made it difficult for her to live successfully in any one home for very long.
These behavior problems were the result of her traumatic past. She had deep emotional scars. Patience’s anger, frustration and fears caused her to be aggressive, and her temper was explosive. She often lashed out physically and verbally, and had difficulty sleeping due to recurrent nightmares. She trusted no one.
Then at age 14, a social worker referred Patience to Volunteers of America-Minnesota’s Avanti Center for Girls. Avanti offers shelter, evaluation and treatment services for adolescent females who have emotional and behavioral problems.
Over the next year at Avanti, Patience learned how to control her moods. She developed distress tolerance skills to help her deal with past trauma, as well as to survive intense emotions and crises. Patience learned to advocate for herself, set goals and improve her self-esteem. Eventually she was able to trust others. She began to feel more secure and was able to cultivate healthy relationships.
Patience worked diligently toward her emotional, behavioral and daily living goals. She completed mental health and occupational therapy, and led group discussions about African culture and diversity. She held a job in Avanti’s kitchen, kept her room spotless, and helped others with their responsibilities. She was supportive of and respected by the other residents at the Center. Her transformation was so remarkable that Patience was awarded the “Most Improved Resident” at Avanti’s annual Celebrate the Child banquet.
Now age 16, Patience is thriving in her new therapeutic foster home and periodically calls Avanti to report her progress. Although she has nightmares occasionally, she feels safe, secure and in control of her emotions. She loves sports and dancing, and is on the A Honor Roll at school. When asked about her experience at Avanti, she says, “I felt like the counselors really helped me develop the skills I need to deal with stress. I learned that I can be myself and feel good about it.”
*We have changed the subject’s name and certain details to protect privacy and confidentiality. The individual in the accompanying photo is a model.