Mor Lee: Alive!
Mor Lee led a peaceful life in Laos with her husband and five children. It was a simple existence, and she was satisfied because she had the things she and her family needed to live day-to-day on their small farm.
But then, her husband was killed while fighting in the Laotian Civil War. A few years later following the U.S. withdrawal from Vietnam in 1975, the Lao kingdom was overthrown by the Communists. Hmong people, like Mor Lee and her children, became the targets of retaliation and persecution. All four of Mor Lee’s sons were murdered as a result of Communist revenge.
That’s when Mor Lee and her daughter, along with thousands of other Laotian Hmong, made the dangerous escape across the Mekong River into Thailand where they were often attacked. Mor Lee quietly waited in a Thai refugee camp for more than five years for an opportunity to relocate. Finally in 1992, she immigrated to the U.S. and settled in Fresno, California in the home of a nephew. Mor Lee had high hopes for a better life. However, she always felt out of place in her nephew’s home. She felt like she didn’t belong there. In Hmong culture, it is important for parents to have a son to be responsible for them as they age. Sadly, Mor Lee no longer had any sons.
Over the next years, Mor Lee became increasingly isolated because of language and cultural barriers. To make things worse, traumatic memories of the violence she had witnessed during the Communist takeover combined with the deaths of her family members consumed Mor Lee. She was tremendously depressed most of the time. Then in 2009, Mor Lee moved to Minneapolis to live with her daughter and her daughter’s husband’s family. The house is very small and there is no space for Mor Lee, so she sleeps on the couch or in the corner of the living room. In Hmong culture, when a daughter marries, she belongs to her husband’s family and is no longer responsible for her birth family.
Again, Mor Lee felt uninvited, like she didn’t belong there. Again, Mor Lee felt isolated and was overtaken by deep sadness. But that’s when Mor Lee’s daughter contacted Volunteers of America’s Hmong Elder Connections program. The program offers positive cultural, educational and social experiences for seniors of the Hmong community to help preserve their physical and emotional health and well being. Also, the program fills a void in the lives of isolated Hmong elders, teaches them about their new country, and gives them a place to find resources and support.
Getting out of the house regularly and attending the Hmong Elder Connections program is just what Mor Lee needed. She has made close friends with others who attend the program, many of which also suffered similar traumatic experiences due to war, death of family, and loss of homeland. They talk about their grief. They discuss the past and look to the future. It’s a place where Mor Lee, age 74, feels welcome. It’s a place where she feels she belongs, a place where she can discuss problems, and ask for help. Mor Lee says, “Hmong Elder Connections is a place where I feel alive.”