Jolene: Quest for Happiness
“What’s wrong with me? Why am I like this? Maybe I am just crazy. I’m a freak – a freak who doesn’t have any friends. School stresses me, it emotionally drains me. I see all these people my age who seem just so happy and so normal. It makes me realize how much of a loser I am, and that scares me.”
Jolene (not her real name) had been challenged by depression of varying degrees for the last few years. When it got bad, she had difficulty functioning, especially at school. She couldn’t concentrate. She would hide to avoid people or have bouts of uncontrollable crying. Sometimes, she’d completely withdraw and communicate with no one. At other times, she would yell and scream and order people to leave her alone. No one understood her pain. She was emotionally and physically exhausted and found herself slipping deeper and deeper into depression’s dark abyss.
To cope with her anguish, she started ritualistically cutting her arms on a daily basis. As she watched the blood bead up, somehow she felt more alive and in control. It was strangely liberating – a relief. But, sometimes the pain was too much. That’s when she developed specific plans and attempted to end her life.
When Jolene came to the Volunteers of America Mental Health Clinics, she was nearly 16 and had just recently completed a 14-month placement at Volunteers of America–Minnesota’s Children’s Residential Treatment Center (CRTC), which offers treatment for emotionally disturbed adolescents who suffer psychiatric challenges such as mood and anxiety disorders, self-destructive behaviors, and other problems. Jolene had been admitted to CRTC because of a history of “cutting” and suicide attempts. She had completed the program but needed ongoing therapy to deal with her acute depression and persistent thoughts of self-harm. She was admitted to the Volunteers of America–Minnesota’s Mental Health Clinics’ DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) Intensive Outpatient Therapy Program which offers individual and multi-family group therapy services for adolescents who have severe emotional problems and engage in self-harming behaviors.
Jolene participated in weekly DBT Individual Therapy with phone coaching and her family was involved in weekly DBT Multi-Family Skills Group sessions. Over time, Jolene was taught to implement a variety of skills which would help her endure despite her depression and thoughts of self-harm. For example, she learned to apply interpersonal effectiveness skills such as how to ask for what she needs, to say no, to maintain relationships and to retain self-esteem in interactions with other people. To help balance her emotional feelings with logical reasoning, Jolene learned to focus on being mindful and being clearly aware of the present moment. Practicing emotional regulation skills helped Jolene manage her emotions so that they would not manage her. She developed distress tolerance skills to help her accept and survive intense feelings and crises. Journaling became a new coping device. By putting her feelings and thoughts into words on paper, Jolene was able clear her mind and let go.
But there was no magic bullet and her progress was gradual. After many months of therapy Jolene felt good for two consecutive months. She was actually happy. Not all the days that followed were good ones, but Jolene continued to be committed to practicing the skills she learned and completed DBT therapy at Volunteers of America–Minnesota’s Mental Health Clinics after 17 months.
Now 18, Jolene has auspicious goals for herself. She graduated from high school and has started her first year of school at a Minnesota college where she is pursuing a degree in science. She’s extremely bright and it’s going well. Additionally, she holds a job on campus and volunteers for an organization that serves at-risk children. She continues to practice the skills she learned in DBT therapy, and sees a psychiatrist near campus for treatment and medication management.
A short time ago, her former therapist at Volunteers of America received a note from Jolene outlining her progress. In it she wrote, “I never thought that I could be happy and now I have been genuinely happy. You guided me to where I needed to be.”