Devon: From bully to protective big brother
Devon*, age 14, stomped heavily onto the waiting school bus and lumbered down the center aisle stopping at an occupied seat near the back. “Dude, you’re in my seat,” he growled. The occupant glanced up briefly at Devon’s tall, imposing frame and quickly relocated to another seat. Devon’s body hit the vacated seat with an audible thud. For the entire ride home, Devon hurled rude jokes and insults at students. Nobody thought he was funny, and nobody dared to speak let alone make eye contact with Devon. When the bus finally halted near Devon’s Minneapolis apartment, students dashed away to evade Devon’s wrath. Devon stomped off the bus and trudged slowly down the pocked asphalt street toward home.
As he entered the apartment building, the familiar odors of fried food and old carpet rose up to greet him. Crying babies, loud music and laughter transformed into white noise as Devon shuffled up the stairs to unit 314 and opened the door. “Where the [expletive] have you been,” his mother bellowed from the kitchen. “Nothing but a lazy [expletive] is what you are. Good for absolutely nothing, except maybe taking up space.” Devon froze. Her wild eyes were almost popping from their sockets. Then out of the blue, she smacked Devon across the face. A drop of blood formed on his lower lip. “I never get no appreciation around here,” she added as she left the apartment slamming the door loudly behind her. As usual, the incident caused Devon to feel jittery. The anxiety was awful and it was hard to breath.
Devon felt useless and abandoned. He didn’t know when his mother would be back or what to expect. She had been abusive and neglectful for years, but now crack had taken control of her.
A few weeks later, Devon was taken from his home by child protection, placed in a Twin Cities shelter, and then transferred to Volunteers of America-Minnesota’s Family Treatment Foster Care program which offers supported foster family homes for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed and abused children who cannot safely live with their birth parents. A licensed social worker works closely with each foster family to assist them in understanding what each child needs and to coordinate additional outside services. What’s more, the program develops, implements and monitors individualized care plans to help children in foster care become successful.
Volunteers of America placed Devon in the home of Carol* and Donald*, who are experienced foster parents that specialize in therapeutic care for children and adolescents with emotional and behavioral challenges. With no biological children of their own, Carol and Donald had already welcomed three foster boys into their home. Devon was now their fourth.
Carol, Donald and a Volunteers of America therapist worked with Devon regularly to help him strengthen his coping skills, decrease his anger and anxiety, and increase his self-esteem and use of social skills. At school, a structured classroom provided Devon with the support he needed to be successful while he learned negotiating skills and how to effectively advocate for himself. Reading was a huge academic problem and Donald worked with Devon to help bring his reading skills up to grade level. Over time and through the persistence of his foster parents, Devon learned to engage as a member of the family.
Today, Devon is nearly 16 and his foster family has made him feel safe, secure and reduced his anxiety. He has learned to use breathing techniques and even reading to calm himself. He is no longer a bully. Instead, Devon has become a protective big brother to his younger foster brothers who have special needs. Additionally, he is learning to use humor (instead of sarcasm) to prevent negative situations from escalating. Devon loves to go “Up North” to the family cabin for fishing and swimming, and enjoys both adventure novels and video games. If you asked Devon he’ll tell you, “I know I have more work to do, but I’m more motivated than I was before. I’m doing better in school, and I want to get a job and take driver’s education as soon as I can. I feel more settled and calm since I found people who really care about me.”
*We have changed the names of the subjects and certain details to protect privacy and confidentiality. The individual in the accompanying photo is a model.