Steven: Home At Last
Many of us take for granted the security of our family homes – but not Steven. Now a young man, Steven traveled a long way to find a safe place to call “home.”
For the first decade of his life, “Steven” (not his real name) experienced the brunt of his parents’ unresolved anger and dysfunction. While living with this mother, he endured several years of her physical brutality. This continued when he went to live with his father and stepmother – and escalated when his father added sexual abuse to the mix.
Finally, the county intervened. Both parents terminated their parental rights and Steven was placed in foster care. Life for Steven seemed good in the foster home, maybe even extravagant at times– new clothes, the latest video game technology, and fancy vacations. But six years later, Steven revealed that his foster father had been sexually molesting him all along.
As one might imagine, Steven exhibited numerous emotional and behavioral difficulties resulting from years of abuse. He was angry, distrustful and frightened. He was physically undersized, developmentally delayed and socially immature. At age 17, the county referred Steven to Volunteers of America’s Family Treatment Foster Care program. Through Volunteers of America, Steven finally found security in the home of an experienced foster mother, Teresa, who provided a nurturing environment where Steven could grow, mature and deal with his problems.
Steven’s transition into Teresa’s home was bumpy to say the least. Steven often impulsively knocked photos from the walls and broke household items on the sly. He secretly hid objects to intentionally dupe his foster mother. Missing baseball cards, music CDs, and videos belonging to other family members would be found stashed away in Steven’s room. And from time to time, cash mysteriously vanished from Teresa’s purse. When confronted about his wrongdoings, Steven vehemently maintained his innocence or would become verbally combative and physically destructive.
Volunteers of America organized a team of professionals to provide therapy, coaching and skills building to smooth the transition and help Steven cope with the affects of his past traumas. The team helped Steven develop his ability to appropriately manage his emotions, including anger, fear and disappointment, and effectively control his responses to these emotions. They also provided him with instruction on basic living skills such as money management, hygiene, cooking, cleaning and laundry. Over time, Steven developed a sense of confidence and trust in the team. He became less destructive. Steven’s irksome tricks and pilfering ended. He began to proactively call on team members when he was confronted with problematic issues. And when the team told him there was an opportunity for him to be permanently adopted, he cautiously agreed to consider the arrangement.
Just a few months ago, Steven went to live with his permanent adoptive family and the transition is going well. He and his new family are continuing to work with members of the Volunteers of America team to support, reinforce and enhance Steven’s living and coping skills. When asked what he likes best about his new home, Steven will tell you it’s a safe place, with a real family, and real friends. He doesn’t have to worry anymore – and he gets to play soccer! Steven has traveled far on a long road to find safety. And at last, knows the meaning of a real family and a real “home.”