Ethan: Voyage from Neglect to Nurture
Ethan* recalled the stale odor of the house – one reminiscent of beer, tobacco and weed. The funky smell reminded him of all the times his mother invited friends over to party. The evenings usually started out happy, people laughing. But after most visitors left, things got bad. Really bad. Through the thin walls of his bedroom, Ethan could hear his mother’s muffled cries and her boyfriend’s angry words. Sometimes she would scream. The sounds of breaking glass and furniture being overturned always kept Ethan on edge. He wondered, “Would they kill each other like the said they would? Should he call 9-1-1?” Then there would be silence. The next day Ethan cautiously tip-toed into the living room. Empty beer cans, half eaten bags of chips and overflowing ashtrays littered the room. And there she would be, passed out on the sofa. Sometimes his mother would have bruises and dried blood on her on her face. But one thing was certain, she would sleep all day.
Then he went to live with his grandmother. She made sure he went to school each day. But, by the time the bus dropped him off in the afternoon, Grandma was usually fast asleep in the Lazy-Boy with the TV blasting away. She liked beer too. A lot.
Ethan was just seven years old and knew that life shouldn’t be this way, but didn’t know how to improve his situation. He had no one he could depend on and no one to nurture him.
Over time, Ethan became increasingly frustrated and lonely. He developed a variety of emotional problems. He wet the bed, became socially withdrawn and angry. Then, his anger evolved into a variety of serious behavioral troubles. Ethan became destructive to property, assaultive to people, and cruel to animals. After one particularly serious incident at school, Ethan threatened to kill both himself and the staff.
Clearly, Ethan was on the verge of crisis and had a variety of emotional challenges that were preventing him from being successful. That’s when Ethan’s county social worker referred him to Volunteers of America-Minnesota’s Family Treatment Foster Care program. The program offers residential care for emotionally and behaviorally disturbed and abused children who cannot safely live with their birth parents. What’s more, the program develops, implements and monitors individualized care plans to help children in foster care become successful.
About a year ago, Volunteers of America placed Ethan in the home of Angela, an experienced foster parent who specializes in therapeutic care for children with behavioral and medical challenges. Angela is single and has two birth daughters, as well as three adopted sons with special needs who were former foster children. Her youngest son is Ethan’s biological brother Jacob who was born with fetal alcohol syndrome and has lived in Angela’s home since birth. Her extended family, including her mother, father and aunts, help care for, nurture and support the children. The children also receive specialized assistance from three personal care attendants.
Ethan began receiving mental health services from a psychiatrist and therapist, and started participating in psychiatric day treatment including play therapy. At school, a structured classroom provided Ethan with the support he needed to be secure and successful.
Angela’s home quickly became a safe, stable environment where Ethan felt loved. He was eager to participate in the daily schedule and readily complied with Angela’s expectations. Ethan’s emotions stabilized and his behaviors improved. Ethan began to thrive.
Today, Ethan is nearly nine and continues to blossom. He loves to draw pictures of Sponge Bob and play outside. When asked about what it’s like to live at Angela’s house, he says, “I like having kids to play with. I like being in a family. I don’t need to be alone. I’m excited about being adopted by Angela too, just like my brother Jacob.” Ethan has finally found his place.
*We have changed the subject’s name and certain details to protect privacy and confidentiality. The individual in the accompanying photo is a model.