Stephanie: Developing Constructive Behaviors
“I’ll hurt you before you can hurt me,” was Stephanie’s unspoken motto.
For the first eight years of her life, Stephanie (not her real name) lived with her older sister and twin brother in the urban home of her birth mother, Bernice, a drug addict who supported her habit through prostitution. Because of her unhealthy lifestyle, Bernice was not able to care for herself, let alone nurture the physical and emotional needs of her children. Bernice was consistently negligent, frequently abusive and often suicidal. The children were regularly left alone without food, water or electricity. The children had no one they could depend on, no one to nurture them – no one to love them.
Eventually, the children were placed in foster care and Bernice gave up her parental rights. This was especially traumatic for Stephanie who held special allegiance to her mother despite Bernice’s shortcomings.
The children were placed in an adoptive home two years later. The adoptive parents, Robert and Sally Walker (not their real names), were both executives and lived in the suburbs. They were excited to open their hearts and home to these children who had been neglected for years. But after a few months of dealing with the children’s emotional and behavioral explosions, the Walker’s were exhausted, distressed and disillusioned. They even questioned their decision to adopt.
Stephanie, then age 11, was particularly challenging. She had low-self esteem, repeatedly lied, stole, was often manipulative, and showed no remorse or empathy. Oppositional and defiant, Stephanie constantly tested every boundary. She was skeptical and angry. At school, she was distracted, disorganized and failing her classes. There, her temper was the biggest problem. She was a bully, often picked fights and physically attacked other students for simply looking at her the wrong way. She was sent home early from school on a regular basis for a variety of outbursts.
When Stephanie was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Adaptive Behavior Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder, the Walkers and Stephanie’s psychiatrist knew they would need additional support. Hennepin County referred the Walkers to Volunteers of America–Minnesota’s Mental Health Case Management program for help. Our Mental Health Case Management program offers coordination of a variety of services enabling children with severe emotional disturbances to remain at home.
The Walkers were assigned a Volunteers of America case manager who assisted them in determining what services each child needed, helped them obtain the services, and coordinated with all service providers to keep the services working effectively for the family. Volunteers of America arranged for family therapy through its Mental Health Clinics, as well as for an in-home therapist to work with Stephanie on a regular basis to help her develop coping skills, control her impulses and cultivate healthy relationships with others. They worked with Stephanie’s school to identify and make accommodations to help her succeed and arranged for a behavioral aide to work with Stephanie to help her stay on task. Volunteers of America’s staff also helped the Walkers sort out and coordinate a variety of complicated insurance matters.
Stephanie’s progress over the next year was exceptional. Even after Stephanie’s biological mother, Bernice, died suddenly from a drug overdose, Stephanie continued to gain better control of her emotions, her behavior, and her life.
Today, Stephanie is 13, has made the “A Honor Roll,” is a star on her school’s basketball team and is on its track team. She is comfortable discussing problems with her school counselors and others. She has done so well in fact, that she no longer needs a behavioral aide at school or Volunteers of America services.
If you ask Stephanie about her remarkable progress, she’d tell you, “I am so proud to have come this far. I never thought I would be able to get all A’s in school, but I did it and I am going to keep doing it!”